Talking about Beauty with Your Daughter

Here's a great conversation starter to talk about real beauty with your impressionable girl. My daughter and I talked about how real people look real, not like advertisements.

It's also a great idea to talk about how lots of things are how they seem, and comparing ourselves to what we think someone else is like is not an accurate comparison because we never know what's under the beautiful facade.

Warning from FDA > Bubble Gum

If you're having trouble convincing your child to throw away his gum instead of swallowing it, you may want to let him know that the government has released a new report on the dangerous side effects of ingesting gum.

Included in the brief were pictures such as the one below. I feel like this is a pretty compelling image that shows what can happen when we swallow gum:

Tackle It Tuesday > Free Decluttering Calendar

All my adult life, I've been stuck on being simple. Part of that is minimizing what I buy and the other aspect is getting rid of what I already have.

Billy and I have done some major decluttering since we're trying to sell the house, and today, I came across a great resource for taking decluttering step-by-step.

Here's a link where you can sign up for a free decluttering calendar. This breaks decluttering into 5-15 minute chunks that you can do each day. By the end of the year, you may have turned a new leaf!

HT: Neat and Simple Living

Pacifier Fun

Happy Birthday, Ashlyn!

One year ago, this precious girl came into the world, after just 13 hours of labor, during which I watched Mother and played Uno.



She's grown a bunch. Here's a more recent picture:

Save Money on Childcare!

I found this great idea for saving money on child care. It only makes sense with the way American prices are going.


Report: Many U.S. Parents Outsourcing Child Care Overseas

Singing Songs

We have a night-time ritual at our house that goes like this:

Go to the bathroom
Brush your teeth
Read a chapter in a book
Tell our favorite parts of the day
Pray
Listen to Norah Jones' song "Don't Know Why"

We've done this for years, but recently that last part that has become such a fun thing for me.

Lately, Eve has adapted the song to be her own expression of love and gratitude to me, and her words go something like this.

"I love you, but I don't know why. Yeah, I-i lo-ove yoooooou. But I do-on't kno-ow why."

"You're the best mo-o-o-o-m. You're the best mo-o-o-o-m. For-ev-er."

It really makes my day.

Herd Your Horses > A Great Game for Horse Lovers

For Christmas, my mom bought my oldest a board game called Herd Your Horses. This was sparked by Eve's new-found fascination in all things equine.

When Eve first asked me to play, I agreed in the interest of fostering a strong relationship with my daughter. Board games are often the last thing on my list of things I'd like to do, but it's important to sacrifice our desires to bond with our kids, right?

So, Ashlyn slept, and Billy and I sat down to play with Eve.

What we found inside that box was the most amazing board game I've ever experienced.

It looked typical enough. Four colored playing pieces. A couple decks of cards. One board. But the instructions open up and gave us directions for not 1...not 2...not 3 or even 4 games. Nope. There are 5 games that can be played with this one set.

Three of the games are for multiple players and 2 others are for kids to play on their own. (You know a parent designed this one!)

In addition to these games (which are actually pretty fun), the instruction book comes with all kinds of facts about horses. My child has learned about markings, color families, and terminology.

I'm always looking for fun things that encourage learning, and Herd Your Horses has that nailed.

Review: The Wonderful Way that Babies are Made

A couple of months ago, I wrote about my desire to start sharing some information about my daughter's biological father.

I also knew that she was getting to an age where I needed to tell her about reproduction, so I thought reading a book about this would be a good way to broach the subject of her absent parent.

The book I chose was The Wonderful Way That Babies Are Made
by Larry Christensen.

I was so happy I did. Here's why:

It presents a naturalistic theology

Something I appreciated about the book, which is written in rhyming poem form from a Christian perspective, was that it moved from talking about the general idea of reproduction in nature to the specific details in the human race.

This natural approach was a good match for my theology, in contrast to Focus on the Family's book The Story of Me (God's Design for Sex), which tells children that God caused their parents to love each other, ordained their unity, and created the child intentionally.

While I believe that God loves all people and He redeems all bad situations to work for good, I don't believe that He brought me to sleep with the man that fathered my first child.

It speaks to non-traditional family issues

Another great part of the book is the segment on adoption. This is particularly great for our situation since my child is living with a man that is not her biological father. Although my husband has not been able to legally adopt her yet, he is in all practical ways her adoptive father.

The book points out that Jesus was adopted by his earthly father, Joseph. My daughter immediately made the connection to our own family situation. What a wonderful comparison for a child to have.

The book grows with your child

The rhyming format that I mentioned earlier is geared toward little ones, but is only part of the information that is presented to children. The book also contains a smaller print explanation of the poem. This is for older kids. It explains a little bit more in-depth about life, reproduction, and adoption. We haven't ventured into the small print yet, but I see it on the horizon within the next year for our oldest. I've read through it on my own and feel like it is very thorough and respectful.

Weaning a Breastfed Baby > Emotional Readiness

My youngest daughter was born in January, so for 11 months now, I've been successfully breastfeeding her. The plan is to go for a year. But after that, I don't really want to continue for various reasons.

So, I've begun the weaning process.

One of the first and biggest surprises I came across was that I hadn't emotionally prepared for the process.

I thought I was quite ready to wean when I started about a month ago. I had been feeling tied down to nursing because my baby was still taking several small helpings a day. I was annoyed by the 8 breastfeedings a day (on top of solid foods).

But I've found myself somewhat saddened during the weaning process. I have less time to sit and admire this sweetness of intimacy that breastfeeding brings. But along the way, I've also come to more deeply cherish the moments that only a baby and its mother can share.

The emotional connection that breastfeeding brings is a strong and important one. So, understanding that there may be an element of disappointment can help circumvent some of the emotional wear of the weaning process.

Once I came to terms with the loss of this expression of our bond, I realized that in weaning - as with every change - something is gained and something is lost. I've been mourning the loss of this chapter of Ashlyn's dependence, but simultaneously, I've been excited to see the developments in who she is becoming.

Review >Mom's Favorite Medicine

Being sick when you have little children is a mother's worst nightmare. The baby doesn't stop needing you, and while the 7-year-old can entertain herself the noise level never seems to get soft enough.

This week I lived my worst nightmare for 4 days straight - from Saturday until Tuesday. In that time, I had swollen glands in my throat, 2 ear aches, chills, stiff muscles throughout my body, and a headache. Swallowing was so hard that I ate nothing but broth.

I finally went to the doctor yesterday because my throat hurt so bad that even 2 Darvocet every 4 hours wasn't cutting through the pain. (Darvocet, by the way is a narcotic which alleviated my post-partum pain with 1 pill per dose quite nicely.)

The doctor unfortunately told me I had a viral infection and prescribed Lortab for the pain until the sickness ran its course.

My mom drove me from the doctor back to her house where I sat in a recliner with an ice pack on my neck and a death wish in my head. I had decided not to use my narcotics until the kids were in bed, cause really...what mom wants her kids to see her all doped up?

As I sat moaning and groaning, I was struck with the sudden memory of essential oils that my mom had mentioned to me the night before, so I asked her for some lemon oil, which is supposed to have healing powers. (Yes, folks...powers! Wait till you read this!)

I rubbed a couple of drops on my hands and inhaled deeply. Mmmmm. So nice. The first pleasure in days.

Then the brilliant idea came to my mind to rub some of this heaven on earth onto my neck where my swollen glands were torturing me day and night.

10 minutes later, I got up smiling and told my mom my pain had practically vanished. I swear.

So, I had to share that story because anything that can take my pain from needing a Lortab prescription to a mere irritation is worth its own blog post.

Today, I'm feeling great. I've used the oils every couple of hours to kick any left over invasion in my body. Though I still have a sore ear, the rest of my symptoms are gone, and I have had more energy than I can remember having for a while.

The result is that I've actually started working on cleaning the house. Not bad for having a viral infection.

You can find more essential oils on the Young Living Essential Oils Website.

Wordless Wednesday > Two Toothless Grins

Check out more Wordless Wednesday entries at 5 Minutes for Mom.

Virtual Chorechart

Somehow, everything seems like more fun online...even motivating children.

My latest find for encouraging my kiddo through technology is JoesGoals.com.

This is a simple website you can use to track goals (in our case, this includes chores). We set one up today for Eve. Here's what hers looks like so far:


The set-up is easy:

1. Open an account by giving your password, first name and a password.

2. Enter in goals for yourself or your child.

3. Mark off the goals (in our case, this include chores).

That was simple enough!

Marriage Dreams : GTD Style > Make a Plan of Action

Planning and organization seem to immediately draw the romance out of dreams, and it can be deflating to have to sit down to write out just how our dreams will be fulfilled.

But there is some truth to that overused adage: "Those who fail to plan, plan to fail."

And frankly, we're tired of failing at our dreams.

So, we got out the paper and pencil and got to work.

First, we did what's called a mind dump.

This is similar to a brainstorming session, in that you just write down everything in your head in order to get it out. Once it's out, you can decide what to do with it.

So, we just wrote down everything we could think of that we wanted to see in our lives - our dreams for our marriage, for our family, for our faith.

When we felt fairly certain that our list was comprehensive, we moved on.

Next, we organized projects.

We found that several of the little details of our dreams could be re-arranged to fit into larger categories.

We wrote these down and came up with 5 overarching projects that we would need to work on for our lives to look how we wanted them:

1. Godly Life
2. Family Time
3. Personal Time
4. Hospitality
5. Schedule

Lastly, we prioritized.

We realized that we can't get to everything at once, and prioritizing our list would help us figure out where to go first.

We both give top priority to our faith and the need for a schedule. Next came personal time, family time, and hospitality. I'll discuss this priority order in later posts, as I discuss each of these projects.

Once we had a prioritized list, we tackled a couple of actions right away, to help us feel successful. With two things scratched of the list already, we were feeling pretty good by the time Billy had to go to work for the evening.

Marriage Dreams : GTD Style > Living Dreams Now

Dreaming in the marriage is an important part of unity. Eharmony told us so. The Weekend to Remember told us so. And the Intimacy in Marriage class we took at church told us so.

But there comes a point when dreams become a means of frustration. Sometimes my husband and I dream so big that it's almost depressing to think about how far we are away from them.

So, this last week, we sat down with some Starbucks coffee and Schnuck's bagels and dreamt together.

But we didn't focus for too long on what we wanted to see down the road. Instead, we asked ourselves what we could do today to reach those dreams at our current station in life.

Turning dreams into reality takes some organization, and fortunately, Billy has been trying out the methods in Getting Things Done (GTD).

So, through the next weeks, I thought I'd give a few posts' worth of info on how we've done this and where we're going with our dreams.

Coming Up: Make a Plan of Action - November 9

Simple Sandwiches > Open-faced Elmos

Ingredients:

Deli Smoked Turkey Breast
Hoagie Buns
Sliced Mozzarella Cheese
Apples

Cut Hoagie Buns in half.
Layer Turkey, Apple Slices and Cheese

Bake at 300 for 20 minutes.

YUM!

My Suburban Existence

We took a walk this afternoon around the block, and I got a strange feeling. I had the overwhelming sense of happiness at being in the suburbs.

There was a time when I thought that I wanted to live in the city. I wanted to forego the car and walk everywhere. I wanted to live in Greenwich Village, NYC.

I'm a far way away from New York, that's for sure. But today, I pushed the stroller up a hill and watched my 7-year-old sail back down the other side on her scooter. And I was happy.

I don't always feel like I belong in the suburbs. Sometimes the consumerism here is revolting. Sometimes, I think about how I live 10 feet from my neighbors, yet I've never even shared a meal with them. Sometimes I think suburbian kids are destined for selfishness.

Still, this is our neighborhood. This is where we walk and where my daughter learned to ride a bike. This is where I feel comfortable sending her down the street and around the corner to play with the friends she made randomly one day. (How do kids makes friends, anywa?...that's it's own bizarre investigation.)

So, as we look at the future and our plans to move, it will be hard to move out of this neighborhood. But more and more I'm realizing that it's okay to love the suburbs. And I'll be happy to raise my kids in them.

 

 

 

What if I Didn't Homeschool?

When I started this series last week, I took an approach based on some findings by David Kolb that addresses learning styles and investigates a topic from multiple directions.

Four questions -- why? what? how? and what if? -- relate to 4 different learning styles. I am a "2." This means I like to reflect on information. It means I don't often invent or try to push the boundaries. I don't often ask "what if?" (You can take a quick test to see what you are.)

I chose a "what if?" question somewhat at random. I honestly had no idea how deep of a question it was. I didn't even realize the implications of much of the thoughts I had on this until I sat down to write tonight.

So, what I ended up with was a long mess of ramble-y incoherent thoughts. Trust me, it wasn't pretty.

How then can I answer this question?

What if I didn't homeschool?

The short of it is this:

• I would miss my daughter considerably.


• I would be stretched in my faith, but I am confident that God would take care of my girl.


• I would still be my daughter's main teacher. School is just a place for institutionalized learning, but it can't teach my child some of the essential lessons that I can.

Other Posts in this Series:
Why I Homeschool
What I Homeschool
How I Homeschool?

Syrup in the Cupboard >Merging Two into One

I stood in Walmart today analyzing which maple syrup had the best price for the amount of thick sugary goodness it consisted of. Last time I bought syrup it was too runny. I decided on Mrs. Buttersworth Original variety, and headed to the check-out.

Two years ago, I would have never done such a thing, and I can barely believe that I've done it now. But this is what it means to be married.

Sure, syrup is a small thing, but before Billy came along honey was the only confection that could abide in our cupboard.

But now, there's Mrs. Buttersworth and there's also shortening-filled peanut butter.

It's symbolic, though.

Before Billy, there were a lot of things that happened differently in this house. I got the whole closet. The house was straight. I had room to exercise. And I only had one perspective on life.

His arrival has been tough at times. But looking at who I am now, I see that for all the disagreement we had to work through and the stretching of my way of life, I'm lucky to have this man who adds so much value to my life.

Even if he does bring in too much sugar.

How I Homeschool

There are some various aspects to this area of homeschooling, but I thought I would highlight 2 of them:

Year-round Schooling

I really feel like the 3-month break for summer is just asking for trouble. I'm a much bigger fan of the idea of spreading your days out and essentially going year-round.

We still school for 180 days, but we do this in smaller chunks with more short breaks.

For example, we started on Labor Day (yes...I'm mean. But I like to do Monday through Friday because it is easier for planning. So, sometimes, we have to do school on a holiday). After 6 weeks of schooling Monday-Friday, we are now in the middle of a 2-week break.

This gives me time to plan our next schooling segment and write some articles for Evansville Parent.

After this week, we'll start up again for 4 weeks, and then we'll take a break for Thanksgiving and Christmas. At the New Year, we'll return with a 6 weeks on, 2 weeks off, 4 weeks on, 2 weeks off cycle. This ends our school year about 2 weeks before Labor Day.

Contract Learning

Part of Contract Learning is the idea that it's good to give kids some control over their schooling. This does not mean that I let my 7-year-old dictate what she learns. It simply means that I realize that it's much easier to do school together if we're both excited about it, and giving her a few things to be in control over is a way to build that excitement, and to teach responsibility at the same time.

For our age bracket, the only control she has is what order to do her work each day. See, I have a lesson plan of what we need to accomplish for a week. Then, I put color-coded index cards into a bucket, and she draws a certain number (basically, however many cards for that week divided by 5). Then she gets to arrange the cards in whatever order she wants.

A normal day will look like this:Pink=Reference Book subjects
Green=assignments with writing
Blue=extra stuff to add to the learning
Yellow=Arts and Music

BUT this is a contract. So whatever we agree to, she has to follow through on. So, once she arranges the cards, that's that. She has to follow the order. Even if she ended up putting all her writing assignments in a row and her arm is tired. She has to write more if she has that card next.

I've found that she enjoys having that responsibility/freedom, and there is less pulling teeth that has to go on when we have an assignment she's not particularly crazy about.

Other posts in this series:
Why I Homeschool
What I Homeschool
What if I Didn't Homeschool?

What I Homeschool

When I googled "Homeschool Curriculum" a year ago, the first site that came up was Sonlight. After just reading the tag line in the search results, I knew I had my stuff.

"Sonlight Curriculum's literature-rich approach to homeschooling provides a dynamic and unique educational program."

Sonlight doesn't use text books. Rather, it uses smaller reference books and narrative history lessons. This means that our science program may have 8 different books throughout the year. It keeps the schooling from being stale because we will only use a given book for about 4-6 weeks instead of all year round.

So, last year, I ordered everything from Sonlight, thinking that all those homeschool moms who freak out about curriculum were crazy.

But as we got into the year, I began to see why different parents choose different curricula, sometimes even different books for different kids within the same family.

While we love, love, love Sonlight's Social Studies, Science, and readers, Sonlight's Grammar program was just so boring. As a writing and English teacher, I simply couldn't have my daughter hating grammar, so I found a new program.

This year, I found some additional new programs thanks to the Sonlight forums, where homeschooling families can interact and share experiences.

So, this year, we are using the following:

1. Mystery of History, Vol. I - History. This incorporates Biblical history into a chronological secular history.
2. Sonlight Core 1 - Supplemental History, Reading. This adds some light reading to our history to get a deeper look at choice topics. The reading program is made up of great children's literature.
3. Sonlight Science 1 - minus the DVD. It's really dorky. But the rest of the program is great. Small books help to keep the curriculum fresh.
4. Artistic Pursuits - Real art presented at a child's level. It includes great masterpiece prints for art history and art appreciation. The child then practices the concepts learned while creating her own work of art (instead of copying what a teacher did)
5. Horizons Math 1 & 2 -One of the great things about homeschooling, is that a child can learn at her own pace. My daughter started level 1 last year, but we took a break from it for several weeks to catch up on addition and subtraction facts. She started it back up this year, and will finish soon. So, we'll be starting level 2 in the middle of the year.
6. Bastien Piano Level 1 - This is what I used to learn. I still love it!
7. Bob Jones English 2 & 3 - Every other chapter is a grammar chapter that teaches a concept slowly and very logically. Other chapters walk children step-by-step through the writing process. My daughter in level 2 has written things from book reports to short stories to thank you notes. It's a great program that has sparked her creativity and helped her learn that grammar isn't unbearable. We're currently using level 2, but will move into level 3 before the school year is over.
   

Other posts in this series:
Why I Homeschool
How I Homeschool
What if I Didn't Homeschool?

Why I Homeschool

There's a myriad of reason why I home school, but here are a few of the clinchers.

Schools teach to the middle.

Early last school year, I talked to my daughter's kindergarten teacher at a local private school with a concern about her reading. She happened to be quite a bit ahead of where the classroom instruction was. When I asked her teacher how this would be handled the reply was, "Don't worry. The other children will catch up."

I didn't want the other kids to catch up...not because I am spiteful toward them, but because if others "catch up," then my daughter's not progressing.

The problem is just as strong for kids with a learning difficulty in a subject. Because elementary school classes are so large and general those who are either above or below the average will not be adequately taught.

Schools over-socialize.

Lots of people see low socialization as a drawback to homeschooling. I see it as quite positive. When children are surrounded by other children for 7 hours a day at school and a couple hours in the evening playing, they get too much socialization, in my opinion.

I want my child to be respectful and able to act appropriately in the company of adults. I can't teach my child to behave well by putting her around a bunch of kids that don't behave well all day.

My daughter goes to a gymnastics class, a kids' club, and Sunday school each week. She also has some friends in the neighborhood that she plays with occasionally. I find this to be sufficient social time.

Being publicly presentable early in the morning just doesn't do it for me and my kid.

Getting up and getting my child ready to send off for school by 7:30 doesn't fit into our lives very well. Even if I'm up then (which I usually am, thanks to the baby), I'm certainly in no mood or position to be getting my 7-year-old ready to catch the bus at such an ungodly hour. I don't think it's healthy for kids to get up that early. I'm a big believer in kids sleeping as much as they need to. I'm also a big believer in lounging around in pajamas for as long as we want.

Posts in this series:
What I Homeschool
How I Homeschool
What if I Didn't Homeschool?

I originally posted this on my personal blog, but thought the series might fit better over here.
For more similar information (from another parent's perspective) visit Shaun Groves.

Teaching Honesty or Encouraging Lies

Lately, my husband and I have been looking at the issue of lying and the punishment that might be appropriate there.

Honesty is of highest value in this home, so not only do we want our children to not lie, but we want them to see the benefit of telling the truth, too.

So, here's the dilemma:

• If a child feels guilty about a transgression and fesses up, can a parent really punish the kid? I mean, what message does that send? It tells the kid that it's not worth it to tell the truth because you just get punished anyway.
  
• But should the original offense be left unpunished? The message there is that if the kid just tells the truth, then he/she will always get off the hook. This cheapens the value of telling the truth.
  

So, what do you do in this situation?

Environmental Website for Kids

For blog action day, I thought I'd list some environmental awareness websites that are targeted to kids.

I haven't looked at these thoroughly, and I am not recommending them. I'm simply putting them out there as sites that looked decent enough.

Environmental Kids Club -- from the US EPA

Ranger Rick -- order some great magazines or check out their site for information on animals and environmental issues, such as global warming.

Green Times -- an organization that creates educational materials by high school students. They're currently running an essay contest for various ages.

Correction Can

Recently, I've found myself unsure about how to correct poor behavior in my child. Most of the time, I like for the punishment to fit the crime--both in severity and relevance.

For example, one time our daughter wouldn't answer a question that her father asked her, so her discipline was that she was not allowed to talk for double however much time it took her to answer. (That is, if it took 5 minutes to answer, she wasn't allowed to talk about anything else during that 5 minutes or the next 5 minutes after she answered.)

But sometimes, I need a quick answer to misbehavior, and I can't come up with that kind of creative consequence on the fly.

So, I've been thinking about using an idea called the "Correction Can."

The set-up is that you put slips of paper in a coffee can, and all these slips have "equal" punishments (consequence, corrections, disciplines...pick your word). So, when the offense happens, a parent only needs to decide how many slips that one was worth.

I'm wanting to set something like this up, but I'm not sure what to put in it.

So far, I have:

1. Dust my room (as in mine...not the kid's)
2. Clean the front of the dishwasher and stove
3. Make your own lunch/dinner

Needless to say, this doesn't cut it.

Can you help a sister out? Please leave me a comment with your ideas.

Masterpiece Art for the Low-Energy Parent

My daughter has tons of imagination and tons of energy. And I am low-energy and more about organization than imagination. So, I'm always working hard to move out of myself and to give her opportunities to explore, create, and play.

I came across an amazing work of art over at MyStarbucks.



When I saw this, I knew that it was a project that we could both enjoy. My daughter would get to be creative, and I would get to sit back and be lazy while I facilitated it all.

Here's how it went down:



Now, this project is not a immediate gratification kind of project. In fact, we worked on it for about 30-45 minutes today, and we'll revisit it tomorrow, and possibly another day.

But for now, here's the results:

Easy Apple Salad

This is delicious and simple sidedish that's perfect for a quick get together:

3 medium-sized apples (I use Gala)
1 cup strawberry yogurt
4 tablespoons orange juice


Chop apples to small, bite-sized chunks.

Mix yogurt and orange juice together. Add to apples.

Viola!

Review: Eharmony Marriage

Stress often abounds in our household. With a new marriage, a blended family, a new baby, a job search going on, and homeschooling happening throughout our house, things can go from zero to overwhelming very quickly. This often manifests itself through marital conflict.

So being the tech-y people we are, we found this "alternative to marriage counseling" online.

It sounded promising. We each filled out our own marriage questionnaire, and they identified the five areas that needed the most work.

We promptly paid our 120 bucks and began our journey to marital happiness.

The Set-up

The 12-part series that Eharmony has developed is comprised of three elements per week.

To begin, a couple (or an individual dedicated to working on a marriage without the companionship of her spouse) watched a 20-minute video about the week's topic. This video contains basic information, scene enactments of fictional couples, interviews with couples on the street, and a mini-questionnaire for the couple to answer.

At the end of the exercise, feedback is given based on the couples' answers to the questions. This feedback is more personalized than the videos can be, and it gives some specific strategies and actions that a couple can take.

Lastly, the couple is given an activity to complete either together or separately through the week. These included things such talking about a conflict or finding a new way to show love in a way that is meaningful to one's spouse.

The Good

Sound Advice

Everything that was talked about here was just good, solid stuff. If this advice is taken seriously and actively used within a marriage, it should prove to be effective.

Caring Hearts

My husband and I found Neil Clark Warren's candor to be charming and sincere. As he discussed the week's topic, it was evident that he was presenting information that he knew worked and that he earnestly wanted our marriage to see success, too. It was much like a cheerful grandfather giving sage wisdom to the next generation of marriages.

Entertaining Exercises

The videos that a couple watches each week were interesting and entertaining. Since each video was broken into several segments, watching them didn't often become a boring chore. In fact, while the relationship enactments were often contrived, they also added a measure of fun through subtle humor. This helped to lighten the mood for some hard topics, such as conflict resolution and fighting styles.

The Bad

Technical Problems

The hugest negative for this new site is the problems we encountered simply loading and runnung the Eharmony website and video exercises. Granted, we have an old computer, but we have cable modem and rarely find media as frustrating as Eharmony's proved to be week after week. The 20-minute video turned into an hour due to loading and buffering problems. After each subsequent buffering, the sound and the visual got more and more out of sync, making it hard to watch. We contacted the help department and followed their advice on the settings for running the video, but the problem didn't resolve.

No Accountability

While Eharmony offers helpful, practical advice for couples, it offers no accountability for follow-through. There was no one to talk to about the emotional difficulty of listening to your partner's concerns without getting defensive, so it was easy to revert back to stand-by methods of interaction. We had no face-to-face encouragement that couples will receive from going to counselor.

Incorrect "Personalization" in the Feedback

Also due to the lack of face-to-face time, the assessments made from our mini-questionnaires were sometimes incorrect. There were time when we were unsure of the meaning of a question, and we couldn't clarify it with anyone before answering. When we received feedback, it was then clear that we had interpreted the question wrong and our answer was not true to life. There were other times, though, that the feedback was right on the money.

The Verdict

Eharmony Marriage is a website that has a lot of great advice to offer people who are hurting in their marriages. But for now, the level of technical glitches makes it a less than appealing choice. If your marriage is in need of attention now, something like Relationship Rescue, by Dr. Phil, might be a better choice.

Freedom through Date Night

Yesterday was good.

At 4:17, Billy and I walked out of parents' house child-free. For the next two hours, we were on our own.

Recently, my parents have agreed to take both our girls for a couple of hours every other Friday night. We then pick up the baby and leave the 7-year-old overnight.

It's working really well for us. :)

Since we have no money, we keep the date cheap. So, yesterday, we went to Jimmy John's over on Burkhardt and then headed over to Borders and Starbucks.

Borders didn't have the book that I wanted to get for my 7-year-old. But Starbucks had a really good white chocolate mocha.

It's sometimes hard to find things to talk about that don't revolve around kids or work, but we managed to have a nice time.

Natural Love > Discussing Absent Parents

So, last week, I wrote about how I really would like to start talking about my daughter's biological father, and I think that once I made that decision to do so, I started looking for places and ways to work it in.

Yesterday, we were reading about the story of Joseph and the coat of many colors (a.k.a. the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat--we love that musical!). The author of this particular rendition pointed out that Jacob (Joseph's father) loves Rachel (Joseph's mother) more than his other wife, Leah.

She went on to say that "naturally" he loved Rachel's kids more, too.

What an incredibly horrible thing to say!

But it opened up a discussion for us about the love of parents and how children are special to parents regardless of who the other parent is. I got the chance to tell my daughter a small amount about her biological father. Not much, but it got some lines open.

I'm feeling good about this whole thing.

Listen to your Momma

World's Easiest Cookies

I hate baking. But I have found a recipe for cookies that are not only addictive, but also very simple:

Cake Mix Cookies

1 box cake mix -- any flavor
2 eggs
1/2 c. oil
1/2 cup add-ins (chocolate chips, nuts, sprinkles, whatever) --optional

Mix ingredients, spoon onto a cookie sheet (I put parchment paper down first), and bake for 10 minutes at 350.

The end.

Sell This House > Weed Problem

Our children's play set area is a jungle. Despite a solid layer of weed barrier beneath a couple inches of rocks, some hearty wild grass has managed to grow.

As we prepare for the potential of moving within a few months, I knew that I needed to take care of this quickly.

Today, I sprayed on Ortho Grass and Weed Killer. It promises to take care of my problem is "1 (or 2) applications."

So, hopefully, here in a couple of weeks, our yard will be shaping up and an asset to the value of our home.

To Talk or Not To Talk > Discusssing an Absent Parent

My 7-year-old daughter hasn't seen her biological father in over 3 years. Before that, it was a rare occasion, so her recollection of him is now limited to a name and a couple of choice memories.

This is burdensome to me.

My husband of nearly 2 years has stepped in and taken his role as her Daddy very seriously. So much so that my daughter no longer asks questions about her father. While my husband's love for our girl is a great blessing, my daughter's lack of interest in another dad has caused it to become increasingly more awkward to talk to her about the man who helped bring her into being.

This is something that's been on the forefront of my mind lately. I believe wholeheartedly that I need to talk to her sooner rather than later because I don't want resentment to set in down the road when she realizes that this subject was never broached.

I never want her to feel like she can't or shouldn't ask questions or feel curiosity about her biological father.

So, here's my plan, and you can follow along on this journey as it progresses:

1. Get a book about how babies come about and open up discussion.

2. I may dig out an old picture and show this to her, or I may not.

3. Try to remind myself that this (like so much of life) will need to be an ongoing process.

So, there. Sounds easy enough, right? Yeah, right.

The Great Unknown

Lately, I've been thinking about the end result of all these labors--all this effort it is to raise children, all this energy (both physical and mental) that I spend on the daunting task of producing healthy adults.

I realize that I can only do the best I can do. I can only read what I find, talk to other parents that I believe are successful, and use a little trial and error of my own to hopefully bring about a happy journey.

Sometimes it's really hard to know whether what I'm doing for my kids is really the best thing for them. And I guess I won't always know until after the fact.

So, sometimes, it's all about plodding through in the midst of uncertainty and "simply" trusting that God will work all my efforts for good in my children's lives and the lives of those they affect.

About

Hi! My name is Sarah. I'm a 28-year-old mother of two, wife of one.

My family is the most important thing to me, after my faith. But I don't always get things right when interacting with them.

I believe that life is confusing more often than not, but that God will grant wisdom to whoever asks for it.

This is my journey of being confused, accepting the wisdom given to me, and passing it on to you.

About the Labels

Around the House--Posts about managing a household

In the Kitchen--Recipes and other food-related fun

Lighten the Mood--A place just for some laughs

Tactics--Parenting ideas I (or others) am trying or have found useful

The Tough Stuff--Discussion about some of the more trying aspects of being a parent

Why It's All Worthwhile--Success stories